On being very bad at Endings

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I got a new job! One that will hopefully allow me to pursue studying and even possibly a career change further down the line. I am thrilled as I have been unhappy at my current place for a while, I never really settled there.

All terribly exciting! BUT. Wait. immediately after the initial thrill and pleasure I began worrying about the “ending” at my current role. My imagination got totally out of control with how bad my boss was going to take it because I was letting him down and how terrible it would be working out my notice period. I even imagined him throwing me out of the office without time to clear my desk.

I had a couple of contract queries that needed ironing out yesterday and once they were, I signed on the dotted line!

So, today I finally had to summon the courage to tell my boss that I was leaving and full of trepidation, sweating profusely with a beetroot coloured face – I went into his office. Pretty sure he guessed what was about to happen as soon as he saw me.

Anyway, he couldn’t have been more lovely or understanding about it all, saying he had noticed over the last few months that the commute was taking its toll and I didn’t seem my usual self. He had lots of complimentary things to say and all in all it will probably be a really pleasant last month as I know I’ll be leaving. I’ll probably even cry when I do. It’s just what I do: I am an unashamed cryer (ENFJ for the Myers Briggs fans out there).

I really need to work on not being afraid to end things for fear of upsetting or disappointing other people; it makes you do things you don’t really want to do just because it’s easier than saying no. I touched on this in one of my earlier posts as it’s something I know I need to be conscious of this coming year.

Jen Hatmaker talked about this in a recent blog post when she said that a friend advised her:”if it isn’t a “HELL Yes!”, then it’s a “no””. So very true.

So from now on I am being brave enough to end things that I no longer want to make time for. I need to because the universe has other ideas about what I ought to be doing with my time and is clearly trying to make that happen, so I should embrace that and move forward without fear, following the signs, as Paulo Coehlo would advise.

 

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One thought on “On being very bad at Endings

  1. YAY for the new job, obviously! I completely understand the OHNOITSGOINGTOGOBADLY feeling and am just the same. The funny thing is that it usually works out really well and no one is actually that devastated that things are ending.

    Like

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