Numbing Out

“How are you?”

“Fine. Busy!  You know! How are you?”

“Same, busy, tired!”

How many of our conversations start like this?  When perhaps what you want to say is: overwhelmed/sad/frustrated/feeling taken for granted, or: generally quite content but I do get ridiculously cross when my lodger puts things in the wrong recycling receptacle – just me?

January to July I studied every Saturday, the first step toward a new pathway working in a therapeutic environment.  Learning about counselling theory and skills, but mainly learning about myself – identifying my actual emotions.  “Fine” and “Busy” are not emotions, they are things we say in order to not name our emotions.

I haven’t blogged for a long time. Nearly five months.  I could say that I have been busy which would be true; but I have managed to find time to watch five seasons of The Good Wife, almost five seasons of Parks and Recreation and all episodes of The Handmaid’s Tale.  Thank you for your understanding and non-judgment of my life.

I had a big chunk of time off in between finishing my old job (Hallelujah!) and starting my new one – five whole glorious weeks when I completed assignments for college, read, gardened and visited friends with young children.  I kept promising myself that I would finally find time to attend to neglected activities: journaling, Bible study, and writing.  I didn’t though – I felt like there was a block: there was nothing there, I couldn’t connect to anything.  I couldn’t seem to sit with stillness or quiet for long, I had to be occupied, either out and about doing things with friends or around the house, or getting lost in a different world.  So, I spent many hours binge watching episodes of The Good Wife whilst promising myself that I would get around to the most important things “later” or “tomorrow”.

I was disappointed in myself and angry that I was not utilising this precious and luxurious time nourishing my soul with the things that are important to me.

One Saturday at college we did an exercise: examining our relationships and how we form, maintain and end them.  Unless it is with my very closest people I avoid conflict; I swallow any “negative” feelings, telling myself that I “shouldn’t” feel like that.  I try to ignore and forget about my “negative” feelings which means that patterns repeat and issues are not resolved.  This leads to feelings bubbling over or getting to the point where the relationship ends because by the time I talk about how I am feeling the issues seem insurmountable or the other person is surprised by my expressing such feelings when I have seemed perfectly happy up until then.

*

I thought about my relationship with God and with myself, two relationships that often come at the bottom of my “to-do” list when they should be at the top.  I am someone who likes to help others (ENFJ, Enneagram Type 2) but this can often be at the expense of myself.  I reflected on the “shoulds” that I feel others place on me or I place on myself, in counselling terms we call these our “conditions of worth” – these are conditions that we think that we should meet in order to be worthy of love.

I realised (again) that I was exhausted and constantly doing things in order to please other people and to please God as if God was this big master Judge who is never pleased with what I do and I always must do more.  I was angry about the restrictions and expectations that I felt were placed upon me and I was resentful.  I had disconnected from myself and therefore from God; I didn’t want to get still and quiet and listen to my soul and hear what was going on.  I didn’t want to simply “be” with God or myself.  I wanted to numb and avoid feeling.

Maybe you do this too?  You disconnect from yourself when things feel overwhelming?  Shut yourself off to keep safe in some way?  Maybe that’s by not going out and seeing people or by throwing yourself in to work or like me by binge watching things on Netflix? However you do it you avoid listening to your heart and that is never good.  It will make you sad and tired and resentful.

Talking about my feelings each week made me realised that I often struggle to identify my own, but can quite easily help you out with yours.  I realise that I numb in order to avoid feeling emotions which I have decided are “bad”.  I had a long hard look at myself and started my own personal therapy.  As my acceptance of my own emotions improves (less swallowing feelings and pretending they are not there, more acknowledging and trying to deal) and my awareness of myself deepens, I have noticed that my connection with God seems to have been strengthened.  I am finding talking to God easier again and I am excited to keep nurturing my relationship with myself and with God.

There’s something there about knowing ourselves and knowing God and how the two are interconnected in a weird and wonderful way.  You need to get quiet and still to know yourself and to know God; otherwise you can’t hear that small quiet calm voice over the loud screams of all.the.things that demand your attention first.

Tuning in to our inner voice can be hard if you haven’t done it for a while.  How do you know who you really are?  Have your likes and dislikes, your wants and needs got lost somewhere on the way? Are they just a reflection of what you think you “should” like to do? In order to tune into that voice I would start by thinking about something that you loved to do as a child before you learned to grow out of it.  Maybe it was painting, or gymnastics or ballet or colouring or writing stories?  Whatever it was, start doing it again.  Does it still bring you joy?  If yes, great – keep doing it – add other things that bring you joy and make time to be quiet (however uncomfortable) with yourself.  If it doesn’t?  Stop doing it, try something else.  Maybe being by yourself in the bath listening to Rod Stewart brings you joy.  Great: do you.

When you start doing you it’s like realising you’ve been holding your breath and now you get to exhale.

*

After I wrote the first draft of this blog post I read the book Nothing to Prove by Jennie Allen which put into words better than my own everything I had been feeling.  Almost every page I turned down a corner or underlined something.  This book will remain with me for a long time.  Jennie writes:

“Time with Jesus causes us to feel secure in our identities.  By listening to his voice, we recognise the lies that promise fulfilment elsewhere.  Do you want to know what you truly believe will satisfy you?  Look at where you spend the most time.”

Food for thought indeed.

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Light and Salt, Salt and Light

The last two weeks at church the sermons have focused on Matthew 5:13 – 16 where Jesus calls his followers to both be the salt of the earth and the light of the world.  Christians widely interpret this to mean that we are called to show our love of God to the rest of the world by our actions, that we will guide others by our love. I love the analogy of salt; it brings out the flavour in our meals and is used to preserve things, to keep them “good”.  It is our tears and our sweat.  If you get salt in a wound it will sting like crazy, but it will also cleanse.  No pain, no gain right?

If this is what we are called to be then we need to be the people that speak out against injustice, against hate and against inequality, against those who use their power to silence others.  We are called to do what Jesus did.  I recently watched the film Suffragette and was reminded of all the women who went before me, who sacrificed to make my position in this country a better one.  So what am I doing in today’s world, when it feels like everything is going to pot, to make others’ circumstances better?  How am I being the salt and the light?

I am speaking out, with as much love as possible, against Trump and Theresa May’s policies, I am emailing my Member of Parliament to ensure my voice is heard, I am signing the Petition to ask our Government to re consider its position on the Dubs Amendment, which gave sanctuary to unaccompanied child refugees from Syria.  I am not “deleting” friends on social media with different opinions because I don’t think echo chambers are healthy and I am trying to engage in discourse, to also listen and to challenge people to think with love.  I will not be silent.  I will try to be the salt and the light, however challenging that might be to me, a person who loathes confrontation.  Here’s the thing though, I don’t loathe it as much as I loathe injustice.

 

 

If you would like to know more about the Dubs Amendment and sign the petition you can do so here:

https://fullfact.org/immigration/ask-full-fact-dubs-and-dublin/

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/sep/05/disgrace-to-europe-former-child-refugee-lord-dubs-calais-camp

https://www.change.org/p/government-save-lone-child-refugees-in-europe?recruiter=71901527&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink

 

If you want to email your MP you can do so here:

www.writetothem.com

 

Advent and why I love it

I love Advent, the time leading up to Christmas, specifically the four weeks before, the start of the Church calendar.

I love the anticipation, the excitement, the decorations, doing “christmassy” things like eating too much and drinking mulled wine and eating mince pies and seeing family and friends but I also love it from a Christian perspective and not just a secular one, because it means our Emmanuel – our God with us – is coming.

Christians celebrate the arrival of Jesus’ birth every year, but the four weeks preceeding the main event are very special as we prepare, yet again for his arrival.  Of course Jesus has already arrived but every year we get to remember it again and go into the new year renewed in hope and love.

This year I have prepared by reading “Advent for Everyone” by Tom Wright.  I found it really useful to consider the Gospel of Matthew and learn more about what waiting means for us now.  Tom Wright uses the helpful analogy of a bicycle wheel to think of the church calendar – although we repeat the same things throughout of the year in a cyclical fashion we are not static – a bicycle wheel moves forward and as Christinas that is what we aim for – to grow in understanding and love.

2016 has been hard, hard on the world as a whole and hard on a lot of individuals that I know.  Syria and the news that comes out of there has been devastating, the global refugee crisis with so many displaced, incidents of racism on the rise, homelessness, poverty…it goes on.  It seems as though the scarcity myth has won out in recent times, a lot of people are believing that there isn’t enough to go around; not enough money, not enough love, not enough time, not enough understanding.  They seem to have turned inward, wanting to only help themselves and those that are like them.  The world has seemed very selfish, dark and scary at points this past year.

Advent reminds us to have hope, that the light, the light of the world is coming once again and that actually there is enough in Jesus; enough love, enough patience, enough compassion, enough hope, enough good – to heal us as individuals and to heal the world.

A lot of people mock this idea.  The Church and Christians have got it so wrong for so long.  Examples of Jesus?! Ha.

This is of course true.  Here’s the thing about our God and our Jesus though, they expect us to do better, to learn, to be.  to be the light of the world.  We are given this responsibility to be shining examples of Jesus’ love out in the world.  We are to help bring about God’s kingdom “on earth as it is in heaven”.

This is why I love Advent, because every year we have the opportunity to wait, to think, to learn, to grow.

Hope, joy and peace to all humankind.

A quick Q&A

My friend Madge said she’d like me to answer some basic questions about myself like “why do you go to church?”  Trouble is the answers to those sorts of questions are a bit complex!  I’ve done my best below, without writing an essay in response to each one.

Why is the blog called Nack and Nace.com?  What does it mean?

Nackley and Nacey were my imaginary friends as a child, more affectionately referred to by two year old me as “Nack and Nace”.  I was thinkng along the lines of imagination, thoughts and writing and thought it had a nice ring to it.

Why am I writing a Blog?

It’s a way to be creative, my job is not creative at all and I needed an outlet.  I enjoy writing, also I wanted to expand on my 100 days of gratefulness posts that I’d done on Facebook a while back and expand on the short little posts that I did there.  I found keeping an online “Gratefulness Diary” helpful, it’s very hygge which is something I intend on writing an entire post about!

What stops me from writing?

Time, or lack thereof!  Also, sometimes, wondering whether what I write will be interesting to others, so a bit of self doubt I guess.

Why am I a Christian?

Well, because I believe in God.  I try to avoid debates about whether there is God or not because I know there is in the same way that I feel and know love exists and I appreciate that others will say exactly yhe same thing for why they feel there isn’t a God.  Does this mean that I never doubt? No. does it mean that I have all the answers or find some things about Christianity easy to accept?  Hell no.  Does it mean that I can’t see things from the point of view of an atheist or that I don’t have atheist friends – nope.  All are welcome in my circle, so long as you are trying to be good, wholehearted person.

Why do I go to Church?

A lot of people, including Christians struggle with Church.  I get this, I do too – it can sometimes seem hard to find God there.  It can be rigid, judgmental, unaccepting and self righteous.  The thing is that Church is not God or Jesus, it is the meeting of imperfect people in a place (any place) where they come together to meet with God and Jesus.  Sometimes those imperfect people forget why they are there and they forget what the face of Jesus looks like (that’s love, by the way).  It can also be a bit magical though when you have a community of imperfect people trying to do wonderful and loving work and supporting eachother in their faith, they might not get it all 100% right but they can do a lot of good.

Why do I read the Bible?  Do I believe everything in it?

I read it because it is how I learn to know God and Jesus better, how I grow in understanding my faith.

I believe every word in it is inspired by God and God breathed but that doesn’t mean that I believe that it can be read at face value.  So much of the Bible needs to be read in context, with an understanding of the time in which it was written and the culture.  I am not a Theologian and I know there are many ways of interpreting texts.  I do my best and I try to remember what Jesus said and did and I take that as the basis for how I should behave and also how I should try and interpet stories, looking through a “Jesus Lens”, if you will.

Why do I call myself a Jesus Feminist?

I am a Feminist, I believe that women have the right to be treated as equal to men and that they aren’t a lot of the time.  I believe that Jesus thought so too.  In the Gospels there are countless examples of Jesus treating women with respect, allowing them to learn from him (unheard of before that time) and treating them as equal to men.  It is what I believe that God intended and what should be the natural order of things.

Why am I interested in Hygge, Mindfulness and Hapiness?

I think it is human nature to search for happiness and purpose in life. I struggle with time management, saying “no”, people pleasing and generally being “busy”.  I can find that I am suddenly existing rather than living, that I am stressed, tired and anxious.  It is so much better to live and to enjoy this wonderful, crazy life journey, noticing it and not having it just pass you by.  Using Hygge, Mindfulness and exploring my Faith help me to be more centered, more present and happier.

Christian Mindfulness is bascially just another term for being still and listening to God, Hygge is all about comfort and security, things that you also get from being mindful and from having a faith.

Essentially all of these things are about living in the present, being still and connected.  I am a big believer in human connection and making time for you; it is instrumental to our mental health and well being.

Do I have any vices?

Chocolate.  Specifically pralines.

Any other questions?  Shout.

 

Grateful for friends, and particularly strong female ones. #100DaysofGratefulnessday3

I have always been a girl’s girl, a woman’s woman.  I enjoy the company of my female friends and I have a lot of them.

I never really understood boys.  When I was very young I was too quiet, I am an extrovert on the Myers Briggs enneagram but this does not always mean what people understand an “extrovert” to be.  Certainly when I was younger I was very timid in the presence of boys or children I didn’t know, and I would get quite anxious in social situations involving peers.  In complete contrast I was always totally at home with adults or by myself.  I enjoyed solitary activities like reading and playing imaginary games, quite often on my own or with one or two friends; I didn’t like loud, boisterous group activities.  I have always been decidedly un-competitive so I never enjoyed team sports (I also wasn’t very good at them).

I got on quite well with some of the boys in my class but would never have had boys over for a playdate or been invited to boys’ houses.  This is in complete contrast to both of my sisters who both had more male friends than female friends when they were growing up and are both quite sporty and competitive.

Aged 11 I went to an all girls’ school.  I know a lot of people have a lot of feelings about single sex education, for me it was the right choice.  I would never have had the confidence to put my hand up and speak up and give answers in a classroom full of boys.  Being surrounded by a lot of women and not having any brothers it meant that I just wasn’t the best prepared for male friendships at University.  I developed a couple of real friendships with boys in my last year at university through my then boyfriend, but as that relationship ended four years later those friendships slowly died a death.

It doesn’t bother me now, I am perfectly happy to be surrounded by women.  I love my girlfriends and I am so lucky to have a lot of them.

I listened to the Sorta Awesome podcast recently when they were discussing the “ten friends every woman needs” (This podcast is good – listen!).  This was their conclusion:

  1. A friend who has made more mistakes than you;
  2. A friend who knows what’s in your freezer;
  3. A friend with whom no words are necessary;
  4. A friend with better style than you;
  5. A “Yes Man” meaning someone who supports you wholeheartedly and who adores you;
  6. A friend who majored in your history;
  7. A friend who speaks your language (they are into the same things);
  8. A friend who challenges you;
  9. A friend who knows all your passwords;
  10. A friend who is the Queen of the call you out.

What I realised from listening to this is that I might be one or two or none of these at the same time for different friends, and that’s okay.  I also realised that I have friends who fall into each and every category.

I have had discussions recently with various friends about how as you reach thirty you know who your real friends are.  You might have (like I do) an “inner” and an “outer” circle this is a fluid arrangement, some friends you can be particularly close to for a season in your life, then you might drift apart slightly for a while as life takes over and later you’ll drift back into each other’s inner circle again.  Some friends are always in one or the other, and that’s okay too, it doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate and love and need those friends in your outer circle.

Here are my friends every woman needs (there might be a bit of overlap with the above list):

  1. A friend whose advice and help you will accept because you trust their good judgment.

I have a particular friend who does this.  I always respect her opinions and I feel better about scary things if I check them through with her.  She is a more grown up version of me, slightly more together financially and slightly ahead of the game in every aspect, always has been.  We lived together when we both had our first proper jobs after university and when I got my handbag stolen she could lend me money from her savings (!) to pay for the lock change, as obviously, I was maxing out my overdraft every month.  Recently, as I was stressing about shopping for my wedding dress (I hate shopping and pretentious places in equal measure) I texted her for info on where she went, because I knew it would be good.  She responded with the info, but more than that, followed up with (because she knows I hate shopping and pretentious places in equal measure) “They served us warm white wine in plastic glasses and the woman who did my alterations had no teeth and a fantastic smoker’s cough”.  I booked my appointment immediately.

  1. A Questioner.

I am interested in people; I ask them a lot of questions, I prefer “interested” to “nosey”. I always thought I would never meet anyone who asked as close to the wire questions as me, and then I met Madge.  I love it.  She is interested in everything and she makes me think about my decisions and my actions.  She makes me examine myself and that is no bad thing.  It’s a great sounding board because she’ll often make you think about something slightly differently.  P.S. Read her blog, she’s incredibly funny and regularly has me snorting into my Tupperware at lunch (work, I only get 15 mins so I eat in front of a screen out of plastic, it’s depressing).

  1. A friend who tells it straight.

I appreciate this quality, the most likely candidates here – my sisters.  They will be (brutally) honest.  It’s refreshing and important.  It’s needed, you know where you stand.  Plus, they can also show you a different way of thinking.

  1. A friend who is able to have what my school girls and I affectionately refer to as “D&Ms” or “Deep and Meaningfuls”.

We used to have a lot of these when we were at school, navigating the perils of the Union Bar, Apple Sours and exactly what black top to wear with our jeans and velvet jackets on a Friday night.  Undoubtedly, some of these conversations were fuelled by alcohol, as they often have been in later life with other friends, but these are conversations which enrich you and make you grow emotionally.  You are vulnerable, you share, you talk, you laugh, you are close.  I have had these with all of my friends at some points and still do.  I have talked about a couple of my friends who helped me through a particularly hard time before.

  1. A friend who is at the same stage as you.

As I mentioned in another blog post it’s important to have friends who empathise with a situation, not just sympathise.  So for example, I love it when my new mummy friends have other new mummy friends that they can talk about baby and kid stuff with.  It’s not that I am not interested in this, or that they can’t talk to me about it – I want them to share (I am learning for the future!) but I recognise that I have no point of reference, so I might not be particularly helpful on every occasion.  Equally, when those friends are busy with things like that you need other friends who can meet you on a whim after work and discuss your broken heart at length.   If you are the only single person in your group, you need other single friends.  Everything in its season.

  1. This is totally overlapping above but – a person whom shares your passions.

I have a few friends I talk to about faith.  One of them I used to work with, we are very similar in a lot of ways.  She’s catholic and I am C of E but we do enjoy a God discussion.  Also, I have friends who are fellow avid blog readers, friends who I can talk books with, friends who you can discuss TV shows with, or sports you like, or anything really.  Friends who like the same stuff as you are important – you need someone to geek out with.  I am very proud of the fact that I have introduced a lot of my friends to Grey’s Anatomy (and anything by Shonda). This means that we can catch up and be suitably outraged/overjoyed at the latest plot twists.

  1. A friend who makes you feel young and mischievous.

This will always fall to one of my oldest friends Chick.  She can make me laugh like no other, and definitely brings out my usually hidden goofball.  I am more relaxed and make a lot more jokes when I am around her.  She makes me less serious and I love her for it.

 

Of course I go to all of my friends for fun, for advice, for emotional support.  They are a group of strong, worldly, educated women.  They work hard, raise families and do interesting things.

These women inspire me, they push me, and they love me.  For that I am extremely grateful, and I love them fiercely.  I hope they know it!

 

 

Committed to being kind and other things…

So, a lot has been happening.  There was the whole #Brexit debacle.  I was devastated, I sobbed when I heard the result.  I love being a Londoner, British and European. I am not going to write a whole post on my feelings around the result, because, frankly, others do it better here and here.  I wasn’t surprised.  I am friends on social media with a few people who were voting “Leave” for a variety of reasons, not all of them (praise the Lord) immigration related.  I realised that there was a big division in our country and that some people had researched this and come to the conclusion that to leave the EU would, they thought, be better for farmers, the countryside and themselves.  I also realised that some people had done precisely no research and were blaming the EU for a whole host of problems, including “immigrants taking our jobs”.  Excellent.

As I said at the beginning of this post, I am not going to go into the rights and wrongs (according to me) of these views.  What I will say, and what I have already said on my own Facebook page is that we are all entitled to our political opinions and we all need to be kind to others, including on the internet.  Calling someone “dumb/thick/lefty idiot” or telling them that they “need to get over it, it’s happened” is oversimplifying the issue and is unfair when we clearly have a very divided country and need to focus on healing some rifts.

I have been horrified that my fears about racism being a large motivator for some people are being confirmed.  The BBC reported this week that there has been a 42% rise in hate crime in the UK compared to the same period last year.  A lot of racists seem to feel emboldened by the Referendum result and this was a particular fear of mine.  This is hugely upsetting and distressing to me.  I cannot comprehend people behaving like this to others, it is alien to me.

I have therefore decided to do my bit by being kind.  I start up conversations with people who are different to me where I can, I smile at immigrants a lot, I have started frequenting my local corner shop and Polski Sklep more in an effort to show these valued members of our communities that they are welcome.  I probably look a bit weird. It feels a bit weird sometimes but, really WHO CARES?! I would encourage everyone to do this.  These are small things, but they are done with love and I hope they make a difference.

Further to my last post I am committed to being careful about what I “like”, share and post on social media.  I always consider if I need to say anything, or if others more knowledgeable than me can do the talking.

In an effort not to become completely depressed about the state of the world and to make myself feel more centred, I have also been doing other things (alongside praying, obvs):

Reading

I bought myself some new books after a self imposed “book buying ban” in November when I realised I had two shelves of unread books and approximately 8 unread kindle books!  Whoops!  Having read a lot since then I decided that I could treat myself, reading helps keep me sane.

May reads on the left, June reads on the right.  Don’t judge me for “Billy and Me”, it was needed after the EU referendum result, and was actually alright!  Best read of May?  It’s a tie between “Everyday Sexism” and “The day I met Jesus”, both profoundly feminist books, what’s not to love?

image

Healthy eating and exercise?

Fallen off the wagon a bit here, but I have rediscovered a love for yoga.  I need to get back on board with my BBG workouts again, I’ve lost a bit of motivation after my bridesmaid moment passed!

Thoughts about my future and career 

Always a lot of thoughts.  I attended a wonderful vocations course (the first of its kind) through the church and for the last five weeks Wednesdays have been my favourite night of the week.  I am so glad I did it, I feel so much calmer about the future and my calling.  It was great to discuss things with a group of strangers (bar one person) and learn from their wisdom and experience.  I found it enlightening.  That sounds like a big word but I really did.  I discovered more about myself, the way I learn and approach things and about how to listen to God.  I still don’t really have all of the answers but I definitely have more clarity which is refreshing, particularly in a time when everything else seems so uncertain.

Socialising

I have been seeing lovely friends for good conversation, wine, food and fun, and I am always grateful for their time, especially those who have babies and whose time is precious.

Watching

Re Watching Doctor Who from Series One (the new one with Christopher Eccleston as The Doctor).  That’s right.

Finishing off “The Wire” we’re on the final series and it’s past its best.

Gardening

I love my vegetable patch and my little herb garden. It is so satisfying watching things grow. My lettuces are my particular pride – insane!

I try to be organic and use the companion planting technique to reduce pests – this means planting crops together which assist so nasturtiums in with the runner beans are supposed to prevent aphids. Unfortunately, slug pellets seem to be the only thing working on those particular pests!

Things I am carrying forward into coming weeks:

  1. I’ve purchased a new Bible Study plan “Open your Bible” from “She Reads Truth” whose App I have used before, and I am looking forward to getting started.
  2. More Yoga.
  3. More reading.
  4. Bullet journaling.  I am still not 100% clear on what this is, but I want in!

I hope those of you that are feeling uncertain and a bit unanchored feel less so soon.

LOVE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stubbonly turning my face toward the light

I love Jesus.  As Evangelical and American and annoying as that statement makes me sound, I don’t care.  I get emotional every time I say it. There it is. I believe that God is love and that we are put on this earth in order to love each other through words and thoughts and actions. ‘Til Kingdom come.

This is sometimes very hard. Especially when people do things that aren’t very easy to love.  Being a Christian is not for the faint of heart.

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote a post which can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FGilbertLiz%2Fposts%2F1033035980111850%3A0&width=500” target=”_blank”>

about being kind on the internet and staying away from the comments as they will make you lose your faith in humanity. An extract is below:

“It’s always devastating to witness ignorance and heartlessness, Julia. But you are clearly a sensitive and kind-hearted person, and, as such, I beg you to stop reading the comments section of contemporary newspapers, and I beg you (and everyone) to disengage from participating in, or even reading, Internet arguments. There, you will encounter some of the darkest and most wasteful behavoir in the world. (I mean, wasteful of our stupendous human energy and potential.) Don’t linger where the bottom-feeders lurk, Julia: You can’t change them, and hanging out around them will only put your own compassionate spirit in jeopardy. (As we say in my family: STEP AWAY FROM THE BURNING VEHICLE.) It takes discipline not to tumble into black holes of online aggression and savagery — but such tumbles are voluntary, and thus staying away from the darkness is a discipline you can cultivate. In my own life, I consider it a public service for me for to avoid such shadowy places, because it only darkens my own spirit and then I can’t serve anyone. I would no more hang out around those “chats” than I would attend a public execution. Turn your face stubbornly to the light, and keep it there. Look for love, act from a place of love, work for love, consider yourself a servant to love and a student of love, and you will soon see love everywhere. This is how we begin to serve. Bless you for your kind heart, darling, and please keep your energies safe and bright and strong. We need more people like you, so stay with us.”

I have been trying to practice that particular spiritual discipline in recent weeks.  I’ve picked some tough weeks to do it in.

The internet has annoyed me to unprecedented levels recently, so much so that I contemplated deleting my social media accounts.

First it was the tragic incident of the little boy in the gorilla cage when the internet erupted in outrage at the boys’ mother and her “bad parenting” (the father was rarely mentioned, because y’know, Dads just “babysit” they don’t really parent, so all the righteous indignation could be squarely thrown at the mother, a nice bit of media sexism to boot).  I don’t even have kids and I know how tricksy they can be, your back only has to be turned for a nano second and they’re gone.

Then there has been Brexit.  I am going to preface this one by saying that I am firmly of the opinion that everyone has a right to express their political opinion and vote in the way in which they see fit, so long as they have armed themselves with the facts.

I have been so disappointed by the tone of the conversation around this important political debate.  It has been fuelled by fear.  The absolute worst was that AWFUL, 1930s Germany evoking, racist poster unveiled by Nigel Farage.  Using some of the worlds most vulnerable people to deliberately mis-inform and stir up hatred and fear is just plain wrong and cruel.

Then there was the murder of Jo Cox MP.  She sounds like a wonderful woman, a humanitarian, she was an advocate for some of the voiceless in our world, she did some wonderful work on women’s rights, something which is very close to my heart, and now her husband doesn’t have a wife and her children don’t have a mum.

I have thought long and hard about what I have posted, shared and “liked” on the internet recently and have tried to only do so to positive posts that promote love, equality, understanding.  I have tried not to read the comments, I haven’t engaged in debates with people whose political opinions are so different from mine and who won’t be swayed by my engaging in that with them, I didn’t say anything (until now) about the treatment of the mother of the boy in the gorilla enclosure.

I have been trying to stubbornly turn my face to the light.

When Jo Cox was murdered I shared this quote from her husband:

“”Jo believed in a better world and she fought every day of her life with an energy, and a zest for life that would exhaust most people.

She would have wanted two things above all else to happen now, one that our precious children are bathed in love and two, that we all unite to fight against the hatred that killed her. Hate doesn’t have a creed, race or religion it is poisonous.

Jo would have no regrets about her life. She lived every day of it to the full.”

The only way to beat hate is through love.

I will continue to do my best to speak out with love, with my actions, the sharing of others’ words who are more erudite and wise than I will ever be, and sometimes with my own words, although I’ll be sure to consider whether in doing so it is necessary and whether I am being kind.  I don’t want to be silent in the face of hatred and discrimination otherwise my silence indicates complicity and we all know how that ends up.

I went to yoga last week and it always helps me to clear my head and commune with God.  I shared this picture afterwards (photo credit: mercimerci.etsy.com):

Namaste

I honour your soul and your light today and always.  Let’s try to keep seeing that in each other, even when it seems so dark.